How Not to Write a Novel
Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman
Harper
Nonfiction, Writing
***+
Description
Plotting, character development, writing style, world building... the shelves are stuffed to bursting with books on how to successfully write and pitch a book. But you didn't go to the trouble of writing a brilliant story just so the unworthy masses could sully it with their eyetracks. There must be a way to ensure that mass publication never happens. Mittelmark and Newman, both experienced professionals in the publishing industry, offer advice for keeping your story out of the bookstores and in the recycling bin where it belongs.
Review
A fun concept, written by two people who clearly have had it up to the scalp line with unpolished slush, it uses reverse psychology to repeat lessons I've seen in other writing books. Excerpts from made-up manuscripts drive home their lessons with all the subtlety of a supernova, covering everything from pointless plot deviations to sure-to-sink-it submission suggestions. Unfortunately, after a few chapters, the sarcastic humor and over-the-top excerpts start to feel stale, and even downright irritating. It might've been more fun and educational to dissect actual rejected manuscripts, sort of like the hilarious "slush pile" readings that used to be a staple of sci-fi/fantasy cons, though I suppose rights issues would've been a pain in the tail for an actual published work. (Maybe if a published author was willing to donate some of their early, less-than-publishable works to the cause of education... but that's another speculation for another review.) In the end, I can't say I've learned much that I hadn't already figured out from other sources. There were just enough chuckles to earn it a spare half-star, but not enough to kick it over into solid Good territory.