Dragons Wild
The Dragons Wild series, Book 1
Robert Asprin
Ace
Fiction, Fantasy/Humor
Themes: Dragons, Hidden Wonders, Shapeshifters, Urban Tales
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Description
Griffen "Grifter" McCandles, a halfhearted student and dedicated gambler, just graduated college by the skin of his teeth and the gleam of his smile. His plans
don't extend beyond getting a presumably cushy job with his uncle's corporation, but the interview doesn't go as planned. Uncle Malcolm instead explains that Griffen
and his sister, like their deceased parents before them, are dragons, nearly purebloods, and as such are not only about to develop powerful "secondary" characteristics
(of which firebreathing would be a minor gift) but are at the center of a great power struggle in the dragon community. Dragons view the world in terms of personal
power, destroying threats and ignoring the insignificant while making and breaking fragile alliances. Old dragon legends talk of the coming of a near-pureblood who will
change the course of dragon history forevermore. Nobody knows whether the legends talk of Griffen or not, or if he's simply one more potential big fish in a crowded
pond, but they don't waste much time feeling him out.
Still in shock and more than a bit skeptical, Griffen wants no part in dragon power games. With his sister Valerie, he takes up a friend on an offer to head down to New
Orleans; a poor-blooded dragon himself, at least this friend's gang is more interested in helping Griffen to boost their own image than absorbing or destroying him, like
most every other dragon in the world. But the McCandles already have some powerful enemies, including Stoner - perhaps North America's most powerful dragon, currently
head of Homeland Security - and a near-legendary assassin known as the George. Even in the insular French Quarter district of New Orleans, a young dragon could find
himself in danger... especially if he still hasn't gotten the hang of his secondary gifts.
Review
To quote the back cover: "The bestselling author... starts a brand-new series that's a breath of hot air." Sadly, too true. Dragons Wild starts with an
interesting premise, supposing that dragons are not winged reptiles by nature but powerful, shapeshifting beings transformed by myth and legend. It also sets the stage
for a potentially great ending: early on, we learn that quarrelling female dragons were behind the great San Francisco quake of the early 1900's and the Great Chicago
Fire. (Hence the book's sexist attitude toward women, viewing them as easily manipulated, prone to overreaction, and kept ignorant of draconic heritage as long as
possible so they're more compliant as "breeding stock." And, yes, the book uses those words exactly.) So, with two near-pureblood dragons heading to New Orleans, one of
them a female who already acts as her brother's protector... am I the only one to whom Hurricane Katrina instantly springs to mind as the perfect climax? Apparently so.
I won't say how it ends, but New Orleans is still whole and evidently untouched by any disaster, natural or draconic; despite this book clearly having been written after
Katrina nearly wiped the city off the map, not even lip service is made to restoration, which one would think would have some impact on even such an old and entrenched
culture as the French Quarter. Evidently, Asprin felt that, rather than building to an exciting draconic explanation for a national tragedy, it was far more imperative
to follow a young dragon around New Orleans as he shopped, dined, dated, and dipped his talons into the underground gambling racket.
Yes, that's it. That's the whole of the book. The McCandles pick up dates, drink drinks, eat out, play cards, and spend an inordinate amount of page time on fashion while
mixing with seamy characters and talking - at mind-numbing length - about all of the previous topics. Once in a while another dragon makes a sally towards them, and the
George pops up like a bad plot device to rattle Griffen's cage whenever Asprin felt it needed rattling, but mostly it's a travelogue of the French Quarter, where the
travelers just happen be dragons. For the life of me I don't know why they were dragons, after all is said and done; nobody, not even the dragons, seems to know much about
what it means to be a dragon in this universe, so whenever Griffen asks a question the page count gets puffed with speculations and repetitive "maybe"'s and "legend
says"'s and "I don't know"'s over yet more drinks. Asprin could've called them fairies, angels, aliens, or even pandimensional dairy cows and not significantly altered the
story. Their traits, gifts, and limitations - the things, in theory, separating the ancient race of dragons from the lowly upstart humans - come across as plot convenient
devices with little logic or consistency, only tenuously connected to the concept of "dragon." On top of that, the sexism gets nauseatingly blatant, to the point where I
don't know why Asprin included any women at all; Val has little purpose for existing, since the only reason any other female dragons are in the book is to provide her
brother with threesomes. Well, I suppose that's not entirely true. Val helps drag things out by being mind-manipulated for half the book; since females aren't told
anything about dragon powers (including mind manipulation) by tradition, she gets to be played the fool by a rival dragon, after which she turns into the stereotypical
nasty female dragon when she finally figures out what's going on. But, heck, if I were deliberately kept in the dark about information vital to my existence by a
supposedly loving brother, I'd probably turn pretty nasty, too.
In summary, this "breath of hot air" is all filler and no substance. I kept waiting and waiting for something to happen, and it never did. I only bothered finishing it
so I could write a bad review of it, which is why it gets honored with my rock-bottom rating. And the worst part? It's billed as "a brand-new series" in big bold letters
on the poorly-drawn cover. No, thank you. There are too many dragon books out there - interesting, exciting dragon books, with interesting, exciting dragons - to waste
time reading this one.
As a closing note, not long after this book came out, Robert Asprin passed away. It's a shame his final series should be such a stinking pile of fewmets.